Caring for Parents
Caring for Parents - navigating being a new mother or father
Life can be challenging at times and we do not have a step by step guide for every situation we find ourselves in.
Parenting is like a dance of observation, interaction and response in meeting our own and our babies and children’s needs. As each child is a unique individual one style of parenting does not fit all.
Within this, how often do we consider the physical, mental, emotional and social changes we are experiencing as a mother or father and the powerful sense of love and protection we have for our child. What if we then add extreme tiredness and the expectations of society?
In short, being a parent can at times be overwhelming and for some it may feel like they lose themselves in the process.
As we navigate our way through this remember we are doing the best we can with the knowledge and understanding we have at a given moment. So ….
Take a moment to quietly sit with your thoughts. Take a conscious breath and tune into yourself, your mind and body. Be aware of any sensation you feel, where it is in your body and what it feels like for you. A colour, size, shape, memory, and emotion may come into your awareness. Acknowledge and accept whatever is coming up.
Maybe you have a concern for yourself, your partner, or your child? Ask, what does my baby, child, partner need? What do I need right here, right now. Look at your thoughts and the situation with curiosity. Maybe there is something to learn.
What resources do you have - your own inner self and strength, family, loved ones, friends…. What resources will enable you to feel nurtured and able to move forward.
Maybe use some of your self calming strategies. Become aware, ‘that even though I am experiencing ..…… I am ok. I can feel, I can choose to feel calmer and I can breathe and settle myself’. Maybe you can use some of the strategies highlighted within last month’s “The Inspired Guide’ article, ‘Loving Connection, connecting with ourselves and others’.
Avoid strict deadlines. When life brings you things not on your plan, go with the ‘dance’. With respect and kindness for yourself, without expectations of how it should be, without comparison to others, life flows with more ease. Trust your instincts, your inner knowing and ask ‘what else is possible’.
Ask yourself ‘Who am I and who do I want to be, both as ‘myself' and as a parent. What do I know about raising this child. What parenting style does my child need. Follow your child’s lead of what they are telling you - their voice, their actions, their expressions.
Consider your own infancy and childhood. What beliefs might you be carrying from your own experiences and how are these influencing how you respond. It can be very liberating to learn and understand why we respond as we do in a situation. Going back to your early years with gentle processes such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Matrix Reimprinting and Matrix Birth Reimprinting can be life changing for you and your children.
Don’t give up on a bad day. Take each as temporary, that ‘this too shall pass’ even though it may feel ‘for ever’ when experiencing it. Set small achievable goals and add to them as you feel able. Embrace challenges that arise.
Provide yourself with nourishing food. Take time out even a few minutes - a walk, a nap. Share and convey your needs with your partner, friend, loved one.
If you are planning to become a parent or are pregnant, prepare for your little one’s arrival as much as you can. Read, listen, follow what resonates with you but also be open to other possibilities you have not considered.
Seek the help you need when you need it. In many instances, another is there 'in the wings’, waiting to be asked. Someone you resonate with who can help you believe in yourself. Our society has moved away from the concept that it takes a community to raise a child yet it is as real now as it has always been. So many parents are striving to do this on their own. Reach out for the support you need, family, neighbours, community, friends, support groups, health workers. Time with other parents, mums - a walk, local meet up … Find your tribe.
Know you are doing the best you can in this moment and be kind and gentle with yourself.
Gaylene Hansen
This article is published in ‘The Inspired Guide’ October 2020
Photo by Jonathan Borba